Slinky Glow

Posted on | June 27, 2009 | Comments Off

Slinky Glow

Please critique my poem?

THE PEARL

As I strolled along the beach,
The sand squelching through my toes,
I spied a shell of wondrous shape,
A real treasure I did suppose.
I opened it and inside
A beautiful pearl there glowed.
I scooped it out to make a ring
When it to a jeweller I showed.
A pearl of such beauty
He had never seen,
Placed it in a graceful setting
That really set the scene.
I placed the ring on my true love’s hand,
It was a noble gesture.
‘Twas really well set off by
Her slinky black night vesture.

A fun poem with a word I had to look up for the definition! lol Meter to me needs some more work to smooth the flow more. Here is a quick rewrite that although still choppy in places flows better to me. As with all suggestions, feel free to disregard! Remember though that the best poems emerge from repeated editings.

As I strolled along the beach,
The sand squishing through my toes,
espied a shell of wondrous shape,
A real treasure there in pose.
I opened it and found inside
A beautiful pearl that glowed.
scooped it out I did for a ring
When to a jeweller I showed.
this pearl of such beauty
He had never ever seen,
Placed it in a graceful setting
That really did set the scene.
I then placed it on my true love’s hand,
yes, it was a noble gesture.
that was really well set off by
Her slinky black night vesture

slinky portsmouth (yet more)